Dip Me in Chocolate & Feed Me to the Lesbians

An invitation to a fashion industry networking party I recently received, mentioned “sexy food” among its come-ons, which caused me to wonder, what, exactly, is sexy food? What could possibly rate high enough on the culinary pleasure chart to be compared with sex. Did “sexy” imply carb-friendly treats would be available to keep the models thin and sexy, or did it mean some hot male model would be there waiting for me to lick chocolate sauce off his six-pack?

I thought of my college roommate—a theatre major—who always used the most dramatic adjectives when describing any given situation. “It’s just, just, or-gas-mic!” she once squealed when describing a lobster bisque. Oh brother, Orgasmic soup? The memory reminded me that “sexy food” might include just about anything depending on who you’re talking to, so I decided to find out exactly what foods really do turn people on.

“It’s all about what feels good on your tongue,” my current roommate told me when I asked for his views on the subject, “…Flan, Filet Mignon.” He thought a minute further. “And some of the sweet stuff, sorbet, Creme Brulee.”

His cousin pitched in with, “…sushi, definitely Sushi.” Now, while sashimi may be chic, describing raw salmon and seaweed as sexy is a little much. I wrinkled my nose at the suggestion. “But, it’s not the fish itself, it’s what it does. Fresh, tender fish has a lot of hormones that trigger happiness in your body, it’s an aphrodisiac,” he explained.

Everyone seems to have an opinion on sexy food?

“…Fondue. It’s just so drippy and oozey.”

“…Spaghetti, with big meatballs, but of course both people have to eat it because of the garlic.”

“…the whipped cream bikini from that football movie.”

“…Baby backs oozing with barbeque sauce.”

A friend soon showed up for drinks wearing a t-shirt with the expression ‘dip me in chocolate and feed me to the lesbians.? For him, the shirt said it all. Apparently what’s sexy depends not so much on what’s consumed, but how it’s consumed. “Tequila body shots and grapes, fed to me on a chaise lounge by a beautiful woman.”

“It’s really hot when guys eat a lot,” a girlfriend of mine tells me. “I mean, it’s important to have good manners, but sometimes when guys are really chowing-down they take on this whole animalistic aura that’s somehow appealing.”

For another one of my friends, it’s all about sharing. “Finger foods, or anything that you can feed to each other.”

On the flip side were the obvious male-to-female attractions and of course the phallic-shaped foods. “Popsciles—big pickles … or if I see a girl eating a banana—sometimes, it makes me crazy.” I politely left the conversation before we got to Italian sausage.

Overall, I found that the definition of sexy food can truly vary, with a few universal factors. Texture is very important—smooth, not too sticky. Aphrodisiacs are always a perk; spreadables, sauces, syrups can all go creative places; desserts and alcohol always make dinner sexier. And then beyond that comes the secret desires—you just never know what the person at the next table is thinking while they watch you lick your fingers …